INFJ-INFP Relationships & Compatibility

By Elaine Schallock, INFJ

With any pairing, the likelihood of success of a relationship must include consideration of the personal growth of each partner. Looking strictly at the Myers-Briggs personality type pairing can give one some predictable guidance regarding compatibility, but it is that tricky question of personal growth and individuation that can steer even a theoretically good typological match into pure catastrophe, or a potentially poor one toward harmony and success.

INFJ-INFP Relationships

In actuality,  INFJs and INFPs in relationship have no single functions (Ni, Fe, Ti, Se vs. Fi, Ne, Si, Te) in common. However, the what in the stack (N vs. S, F vs. T) without consideration of the directionality (extraverted of introverted), means that INFP and INFJ values tend to align harmoniously. Speaking from personal experience, some of my nearest and dearest friends have been INFP types. As fellow introverted intuitives, INFP’s and INFJ’s rejection of superficialities and first appearances gives them a feeling of camaraderie and intimacy. They are both adept at recognizing hidden meanings and symbolic references. Both of them value compassion, reflection, and intellectual and artistic pursuits.

relationships

What is perhaps unique about INFPs and INFJs in relationship is they can feel like Siamese twins, or reflective yet conjoined images of one another. (This phenomenon would also be common between INFJ and ENFP or INFP and ENFJ). When the INFP extraverts intuition (Ne), the INFJ finds resonance with his or her dominant, however buried, Ni, and so feels understood. Similarly, the INFJ’s Extraverting Feeling (Fe) draws the trust of the INFP whose Introverted Feeling (Fi) senses the deep compassion and warmth of the INFJ that the INFP feels inside but may have difficultly expressing. In other words, the INFJ and INFP each extravert parts of themselves that the other strongly identifies with. The result is absolutely a feeling of being understood and in harmony. The danger of this phenomenon, however, can be that each partner, sensing the ability of the other to actualize (or extravert) the parts of himself the he would like to show the world in an attempt to become individuated, can bring about jealousy and, in the worst case, distrust.

Since the journey toward wholeness for introverts is one of bringing what is inside out, there can be buried envy when one’s partner displays those parts which the other has a hard time showing. Indeed, when this pairing gets together initially it may be because of the ego’s desire to see its inner-self becoming actualized – something that the partner is able to do as a result of the reversed functional direction. Doing so can be dangerous because it amounts to depending on the other to supply what the individual thinks it cannot give to himself. This path can easily lead to a love/hate relationship if unchecked. For example, the INFP (or, more accurately, the INFP’s inferior function) may grow to envy the ease with which the INFJ comfortably extraverts judgment and may eventually criticize the INFJ for “jumping to conclusions” too quickly or even accuse the INFJ of “superficiality” seeing the extraverted nature of INFJ’s feeling as a put on. Conversely, INFJs may be jealous of the intellectual dexterity and creativity that is displayed by the Ne function of the INFP while their Ni continues to go hidden. Feeling threatened or upstaged, the INFJ may similarly accuse the INFP of being “silly and unfocused” or accuse the INFP of superficiality.

That said, if an INFJ and INFP couple can acknowledge these blind/weak spots, and work accordingly to counteract them, I think they have wonderful potential. Indeed, the INFJ may actually draw the INFP out of his or her shell – teaching the INFP to communicate openly, honestly, and directly – to avoid one of the INFP’s biggest pitfalls: passive aggressive behavior. Conversely, the INFP can help the INFJ to temper his or her judgments, to let go of some of the perfectionism so common to the INFJ breed in order to better enjoy the journey or process.

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INFJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility

INFP Relationships, Love, & Compatibility

INFP & INTP Relationship Difficulties

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Comments

  1. Marina says

    I am an INFJ female and my boyfriend is an INFP. We have known each other nine years as friends and recently went into a romantic relationship with one another. We had been attracted but both of us were with the wrong people, so stood back from one another out of a sense of duty and timing. He likens our bond to soul mates and the first conversation we ever had together he claimed I must have been made from his rib. I admit I felt the same – this was the result of shared values and a similar way of communicating. Our initial conversations on the phone lasted nine hours. We have never spoken on the phone less than two hours. Now that we live together, at times our conversations last hours face to face, last night we spoke for almost four hours on various topics. It is not uncommon for him to pause the television to expound upon the topic as well. I love this and delight in having a partner who loves to mentally explore as much as I do.

    I find his quirks wonderful. His capacity for intellectual knowledge, as well as trivia, not to mention his way of forgetting and even becoming lazy reminds of a mad professor. This very thing endears me to him. He is responsible and mature enough to put a break on his emotions when they become overwhelming. He is also aware of his capacity to over empathize with other people’s feelings, so he makes a conscious effort to stand back and remain objective. This balances my brimming lava of emotions and passion (that I cannot seem to show with ease.) As far as my own unwillingness to open up, or my shyness and discomfort with some feelings I may have during any given situation, he is aware and accepting. We have had discussions and I find his patience helps me to become more forthcoming as time passes. He loves that I can admit when I am wrong, also that I am willing to listen – because I’m open minded enough to admit when my view must change as a result of being inappropriate or deluded – and I want things to be harmonious as well. He calls it “fishing” when I am bothered. He can readily see it in me and he coaxes the problem out of me gently. I’ve learned the “fishing” is not always good, so make him work less by being more forthcoming should I need to speak about something.

    He is extremely passionate under what seems a very quiet and shy exterior. I too am very passionate. Intimately we bring all our emotions to the table during lovemaking and I find he touches me and does things to me that I had wished for most my life. Finally I can breathe. I feel relieved. I feel happy. His endless affection almost melts my icy exterior and I become shy with him. I love this! I am learning to touch and hug, to kiss him more. I know he loves it too.

    I find other comments here, while not wrong, unfortunate. I think while personality types are accurate to a degree, we must also understand they do not make up the entirety of our lives. Our experiences, patience, willingness to work through issues will be what ultimately, make our personalities what they are and our relationships (romantic or otherwise) harmonious and loving.