Personality Type, Talkativeness, Sociability, Compatibility, & Relationships

Which personality types are the most talkative? The most social and sociable? The most interested in conversation? Many people mistakenly assume that Extraversion/Introversion and Thinking/Feeling are the only relevant factors when it comes to these issues. In this post, I will argue that all the personality preferences can play a role in talkativeness and sociability. I will also discuss how these issues might affect intertype relationships and compatibility.

We will divide our discussion of talkativeness and sociability into three parts: talkativeness, need for social engagement, and interest in conversation. I realize that there will be variability in all three of these categories depending on the who, what, when, where, and why of the situation. Nonetheless, I feel that, on the whole, the suggested typological differences are valid and supportable.

For the sake of clarification, “need for social activity” (#2 below) should not be conflated with interest in conversation (#3). Some types enjoy being around people for reasons other than conversation. They may, for instance, look to others for comfort, support, or shared activity.

It is also worth mentioning that, while there is significant overlap, those who talk the most (#1) are not necessarily the types most interested in conversation (#3). It is possible to cherish conversation, but to do so more in the role of listener or facilitator (e.g., INFPs).

1. Talkativeness: (E=N, J)

ENJs (highest)

ENPs

INJs, ESJs

INPs, ESPs

ISJs

ISPs (lowest)

Rationale:

Intuitives tend to talk more than Sensing types because Ns have a penchant for language, which is an abstract system (N) of symbols. One can easily witness the difference in talkativeness between ESPs and ENPs. ESPs, whose dominant function is Extraverted Sensing (Se), are often most interested in finding  novel sensory stimulation and engaging in action. While ESPs can be articulate, they tend to talk less than ENPs. Using Extraverted Intuition (Ne), ENPs explore ideas aloud and, especially in larger groups or other stimulating settings, can have difficulty remaining quiet for very long.

Judging is more abstract and left-brained than Perceiving, making it easier to associate it with verbal forms of communication. The Sensing and Perceiving preferences are more body-based and less verbal. Judging types, whose perception is introverted (Si or Ni), are also less dependent on outward circumstances for stimulating their verbal processing. Hence, while NPs can be quite chatty in certain circumstances, NJs are talkers in nearly any situation. Js  tend to talk more than they listen. NJs, in particular, can launch into lengthy diatribes on all sorts of topics. Such J-P differences are most readily observed in one-on-one conversations, with the NJ usually doing most of the talking while the P intermittently interjects questions, comments, or clarification.

2. Need for Social Activity (F, E)

EFs (highest)

IFs

ETs

ITs (lowest)

Rationale:

It is commonly understood, whether implicitly or explicitly, that Feeling types are generally more affiliative and communal than Thinking types. Hence, I have given the Feeling preference a slight edge over Extraversion when it comes to the need for social activity. Remember, social activity may be verbal or nonverbal, involving shared activity, conversation, or simply being in the presence of others.

3. Interest in Conversation: (N=F, E, J):

ENFJ (highest)

ENFP

INFJ

INFP, ESFJ

ENTJ

INTJ, ENTP, ESFP, ISFJ

INTP, ISFP

ESTJ

ISTJ

ESTP

ISTP (lowest)

Rationale:

Intuitives are interested in discussing ideas. As stated above, they enjoy the process of manipulating abstractions through conversation. The fact that Js are more abstract also makes them somewhat more interested in conversation than Ps. Feeling types are interested in conversation in order to share their feelings and experiences with others. This is especially true of FJ types, who use Extraverted Feeling (Fe) rather than Introverted Feeling (Fi).

As was the case with social activity (#2), I ranked Extraversion less important because ES types, especially ESTPs, are often more concerned with finding outward stimulation or activities than they are in conversation itself.

Implications for Relationships & Compatibility

In considering the above, I wanted to briefly comment on some potential implications for relationships and compatibility. These can be briefly summarized as follows:

1. ENFs, among the most social and conversational of all types, may find frustration when paired with ISTs (especially ISTPs), who are among the least social and conversation-oriented. However, an ENF-IST pairing could possibly work if the ENF did not feel it necessary for the IST participate in all of the ENF’s social dealings.

2. NFs may struggle with STs (especially STPs) relative lack of interest in conversation. Even those who share E and P preferences (e.g., ENFPs and ESTPs) may struggle because of this issue. INFs, in particular, want to feel heard and understood at a deep level. So while NFs might find themselves initially drawn to ESTs for other reasons, they are less likely to find lasting satisfaction than if they paired with a type more interested in conversation.

3. Types that are highly talkative may be less compatible with another type that is also highly talkative. Similarly, individuals who prefer to talk less may find little stimulation in relationships with other quiet souls. Thus, in most successful relationships there seems to be a relative balance with regard to talkativeness.

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*In the Myers-Briggs taxonomy, extrovert and extroversion are spelled as “extravert” and “extraversion.”