We introverts are a different breed. For one thing, we’re less trend-obsessed and slower to jump on bandwagons than our extraverted counterparts. Extraverts may see us as naysayers or killjoys, incapable of going with the flow. Hence, their frequent, at times condescending, admonishments to “let loose” or “lighten up.”
I suppose it’s true that we’re a bit stubborn and headstrong. There’s a part of us that finds guilty pleasure in resisting the outside world. By using “no” as our default response, we create boundaries around our introverted space, which allows us to feel safe and in control. And on the occasion that we decide to get on board with something, we like to believe that it’s not because we’re caving to external pressure, but because it might somehow benefit or enhance our lives.
Reflexive obstinance aside, there’s another and more important reason introverts say no—to protect and preserve our spiritual wellbeing. We’re concerned that outside entanglements may detract from, rather than enrich, our spiritual health and vitality.
Introverts are also notorious for bucking even the most deeply engrained cultural habits. Who in their right mind would choose to bicycle to work rather than drive? Who opts to read or meditate instead of watching television? In many cases, it’s introverts. And while we’re often misunderstood, we typically have good justification for our actions. It usually boils down to knowing what makes us happy and fills our spiritual cup.
I recently had the pleasure of spending some time around an INFP high school senior. One thing that surprised and delighted me about her was, unlike her friends (not to mention our culture in general), she seemed to have a rich intellectual and spiritual life apart from her phone. One day a large group of us sat down to lunch and, on my count, she never glanced at her phone. Not even once! I was shocked and awed by the fact that, despite a cultural tidal wave of compulsive phoning, this young person was choosing to live differently. Instead of fixating on a screen, she was intentional about observing and experiencing the concrete world around her—the people, the food, the surroundings, etc. She intuitively grasped the richness and meaning available to her in ordinary, non-virtual existence.
I’ve also enjoyed some recent conversations with friends regarding the emotional and spiritual downsides of frequent engagement with the news. In particular, I’ve wondered to what extent it’s worth sacrificing our inner peace and positive energy for the sake of burdening ourselves with the latest atrocity committed by our political adversaries. Maybe we’ve become so spiritually aimless and disconnected—so unaware of what’s truly important to us—that political outrage is our only balm against full-blown malaise and nihilism; maybe we prefer negative, even toxic, energy to having no energy or purpose at all.
Confident that I’m not the only introvert concerned with spiritual wellness, I’m baffled by the numbers of introverts I still see glued to their phones. So I’m eager to know, dear introvert:
- Don’t you ever get tired of it?
- Wouldn’t it be nice to stretch, look around, or introspect for a while?
- Wouldn’t unplugging help you better process and integrate whatever you’ve been reading or watching?
- Wouldn’t you like to create something of your own instead of merely gorging on outside information?
- What about engaging with others and strengthening your extraverted muscles?
Okay, maybe I’m being a little presumptuous here. Perhaps the phone isn’t so much a compulsion as a safety net for introverts—a way of blending into the background or alleviating social anxiety. And maybe introverts are being more creative than I’m giving them credit for, such as by participating in online discussions, etc. But even if I’ve somewhat misinterpreted or overstated the matter, I know I’m not entirely off the mark.
As discussed in my post, Introverts & Extraverts in the Smartphone Era, phone engagement can be viewed as a predominantly extraverted affair, dividing and scattering our attention in myriad directions, like light passing through a prism. So for introverts attempting to find Zen or achieve a meaningful state of flow, perpetual pings and notifications are surely a detriment. How can we possibly hear ourselves, let alone accomplish anything of depth or substance, if we perpetually and indiscriminately avail our attention to the outside world? Even worse for anxious or sensitive introverts who can be slower to rediscover their center after being startled or interrupted.
I’m concerned that introverts in the modern world are somehow missing, or forgetting, the value of quiet and unmediated alone time. The scatterbrained nature of phone engagement will at some point prove insidious to our success and well-being. When we’re at our best, we are working from a place of calm, centeredness, and intentionality. This includes knowing who we are, what we value, and how we can achieve and maintain an optimal level of flow and absorption. Too much external chatter—be it online or elsewhere—distracts us from what’s most important and ultimately hinders our spiritual and creative development.
It may sound cliché, but a simpler life—one with fewer unnecessary distractions—is the optimal soil for introverts to cultivate a meaningful and productive life. This doesn’t mean we’ll never experience FOMO or envy the energy and worldliness of extraverts. But we have something that extraverts want too—the ability to extract a lot of meaning from a relatively quiet and unadorned life. We accomplish this by appreciating life subtleties, staying aligned with our values, and devotedly pursuing our passions. Contrary to popular opinion, our happiness isn’t reliant on our phones, but is rooted in something far more profound and elemental.
If you’re an introvert looking to better understand yourself, your personality type, and your path in life, be sure to explore our books and online course—Finding Your Path as an INFP, INTP, ENFP or ENTP.
Related Posts:
Introverts & Extraverts in the Smartphone Era
Steve says
Great introverts think alike. I’ve asked myself those same questions.
Typically when I pick up my phone it’s to fulfill some introvert need, especially focus. I just need to be focused on one thing. My phone offers me an escape from all the demands of life Including my extremely extroverted kid!
I turn off all notifications on my phone so it’s not constantly dinging. I ignore texts from friends and family. I even turn off the email notifications on my work computer. I hate being interrupted and having the course of my focus interrupted. When I have time to focus on those things, I’ll focus on them, but not if I’m doing something better (like reading your articles!)
If I do pick up my phone to mindlessly distract myself it’s usually to find some interesting source of information. Something interesting and complex enough that it require focus to absorb… Or rather to be absorbed by it. That means no FB or Twits for me. Usually articles or informational videos.
A.J. Drenth says
Good stuff Steve. Sounds like you’ve instituted good practices to keep yourself aligned and on track. Thanks for sharing!
Ken says
You’ve definitely got a point! And, I’m sure it’s one many, perhaps most introverts are i) familiar with ii) agree with. Unfortunately, as you also probably know, what we’re often dealing with is often a compulsion, perhaps based on some of the reasons you outlined, perhaps others – including some that are more harmful than the relatively inconsequential ones you outlined. As well, it’s quite clear that as you also pointed out, ‘phone fixation’ in varying degrees appears not to be germane to one type, or group. Overall, it’s an intriguing phenomenon, the relative triviality of which might be partially masking how potentially important an area of further research it might be. Over to you Dr. Drenthe! Thanks for another thought provoking post.
A.J. Drenth says
Thanks so much Ken for chiming in!
Katy says
Beautifully said. Thank you!
A.J. Drenth says
You’re welcome Katy. Glad you appreciated the post.
Firefly says
I really appreciate your work 99% of the time , I’m disappointed in this article. As an INFJ introvert, I can relate to many points you make, but I don’t think all introverts are quite that similar.
For example, I’m glued to my phone, but I almost never look at it for news, and I don’t use it for things like Facebook or Instagram. I use it for school, research, and general curiosity (looking for consensus on matters) and to play games.
Also, an extroverted feeler, I may not always resemble ‘an introvert,’ though I do agree with needing regular breaks from outside energies.
Comments?
A.J. Drenth says
Hello Firefly,
Thanks for sharing your comment and feedback. I agree with you that introverts aren’t all the same and, in many cases, should be discussed more granularly. I intended this post to be more of a spiritual wake-up call than a generalized criticism. Based on other comments, it’s clear that some introverts (including yourself) have taken measures to ensure that they are in control of their phones rather than the other way around. So while some may not need the wake-up call, others–especially those struggling with some sort of post-COVID malaise or aimlessness–might need a reminder or kickstart.
CJ says
Thank you for the article. If you see me using my phone, chances are I’m reading an article on personality, creativity or popular science, or it may be an e-book, or I’m googling an answer to one of the questions that are bothering me right now, or it could be quotes to make me feel better. It’s never news, social media or mindless chatter. In 99% of cases it’s something that can soothe or inspire me. Also, I never use it when I walk in a park or in conversation with loved ones. There is separate time for using the phone, and time dedicated to introverting, self-centering, reading a paper book, or letting your mind roam and seeing where it takes you. Balance is achievable!
A.J. Drenth says
It’s great to hear that many of you have struck a point of balance with your phone engagement. Thanks for sharing your experiences CJ.
Laura S. says
What Steve said. I do the same. All notifications are turned off on my phone, and if I’m not playing some kind of puzzle game that stirs my intellect, I’m reading a science, history or psychology article. Occasionally I even join a discussion on social media. It’s another form of escapism, similar to reading. Phone use is a one person only activity like reading. However, it does allow me to engage socially, but in a controlled manner. I choose who I engage with and when, if at all. It’s the perfect means for an introvert to communicate or connect with society because we can control the level of interaction.
Cindy says
Positive uses for my cell phone:
– Texting gives me the opportunity to connect with people without getting involved in a conversation when I don’t feel like it.
– I don’t like interruptions so I can opt not to answer and wait for the VM. Decision is mine whether or not to engage at that moment.
– Can immerse myself in research of my choice when in public and don’t feel like talking.
Paul says
Thank you very much for posting this, AJ. I recently watched the Social Dilemma, started listening to thinkers like Cal Newport and Jaron Lanier about social media’s addictive and manipulative qualities. Attention and control are so valuable, yet we largely allow both to be completely directed by technology. Having silent, uninterrupted, creative time to think, feel, and dive deeper into what we are doing is almost fictitious and fantastical today.
I also appreciate that you pointed out how important it is for INTROVERTS to remove themselves from stimulation to be their best selves, while not asserting is as the same for extroverts, who thrive in stimulation and opportunities for reaction. Very interesting nuance in your argument.
I think we could all benefit from putting our phones away and simply enjoying time with ourselves or another person. Connection to technology seems in great opposition (most of the time) to connection with ourselves and others.
INTFJLeen says
Thank you for this article! I’m often busy with my phone because I’m interested in many different topics and the internet provides me with some answers (or at least interesting theories) for the billions of questions that are milling around in my head. The sound is mostly off, I cut off all notifications and do not even use social media. And at night or when I am not alone, my phone is on airplane mode. But otherwise… Oh the temptation of having so much knowledge on the tips of your fingers!
“What’s that plant? When and how did people build Stonehenge? How to cook ratatouille? How to use the circle of fifths and what’s the difference between Pythagorean and tempered modes in music? When is the best time to plant these flowers? Did they spot any new asteroids or discover anything wonderful in outer space lately?”…
And then there’s all those interesting newsletters to read!
Such are my guilty pleasures. ;-)
Julie says
Thanks so much for this article A.J. Regarding how I work with my phone, I don’t have any of the pings turned on and only a couple of notifications, as it’s way too disruptive otherwise. I use social media mainly for output: to post my poetry videos and blogs, and some beautiful imagery or insightful quotes here and there. I don’t watch any mainstream media at all, not since 1995, and mostly only read what I specifically search for to better understand an issue on a deeper level. Any film or video watching is mindfully chosen.
I do agree with your comment “there’s another and more important reason introverts say no—to protect and preserve our spiritual wellbeing. We’re concerned that outside entanglements may detract from, rather than enrich, our spiritual health and vitality.” Yes! So very true. I would rather be quietly in solitude, to feel into the next creative idea that wants to flow through me, than be distracted by a lot of outside noise. Yet there’s a balance to be had there, with having wonderfully enriching conversations with creative friends, over dinner or something. I really enjoy the balance, which is probably around 65% quiet to 35% with others.
Thanks for your continuing insights in your articles. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness a great deal. It helps me understand myself so much more.
Kate says
As a female INFJ I use my phone as an instrument to find something that makes sense to me either something practical or something new or spiritual that enriches my life. At the same time I could live without it. When I got my first mobile phone as a child I started crying, not because I was moved but because I felt desperate that from now on I could be “disturbed” basically anytime and couldn’t keep my world as quiet as I wished to. When I went to a vipassana retreat last year, all phones were taken from us to ensure silence for many days. It was the best time for me… :-) Of course, the phone also enables us to keep in touch with people that are dear to us, but most of the time when I look around I see it as a weapon of self-destruction. It is some kind of escape from ourselves. The daily portion should be rather low since less is more…
Anna says
Your view of being glued to the phone as a dopamine fix for info junkies is only partially true.
I also use my phone to: take lots of pictures as reference for my journaling and painting; connect with family and friends who are far away (that old joke – I love my phone, my friends live in it – could not be more true); I also make new friends and connect with people outside my immediate circle participaing in Facebook groups including reading and study groups, as well as post comments on articles written by random ppl like yourself; I look at the creative work of others to feel inspired in my own creativity, including being exposed to museum collections and essays and articles on deep topics ; my books and audiobooks and video study courses are in my phone; I follow musicians, artists and thinkers and both get exposed to their content and engage with them throughout comments and q&a; I had therapy and spiritual direction sessions on my phone; I sell my creative products and engage with my clients many of whom became my person friends through our virtual interactions on my phone; l met friends i made online IRL and married a guy i met online 18 years ago. Yes, MY phone provides something bigger.
I live in a village with little access to the outside workd because I don’t drive, so the phone enriches my life on so many levels. Yes, I am glued to my phone, but I also walk, hike, do yoga, dance, lift, work in the garden, play musical instruments, keep pets, design, paint and create, journal, sketch cook and keep the house among otger things.
Yet my social and cultural stimulation is dependent on my phone due to the circumstances of my life.
Why assume the worst? Is this the case where you see the world not the way it is but the way YOU are? In this case yeah, go meditate a bit and stop judging others for phone use. 😉 Technology, like anything, can be numbing and escaping life, but it also can be used to bring new dimensions into the mundane and trivial.
Rebecca says
I needed this article. ” to protect and preserve spiritual wellbeing” I feel like I’ve lost that. I feel like I had a spiritual center back in the late 90’s and the following decade, but it has gradually diminished and is mainly a memory of a person I once was. Some of that, anyway, can be attributed to jumping to technology when feeling restless or empty.
I’m frankly sick of being connected to everyone online. It’s never fulfilling. I’m tired of having so much to process, and like you mentioned (all the negativity). The world feel so much busier than it use to and I’m not sure if it’s an internal or external thing? Alone time. Where does a person even find that now days?
I’d love to arrange a couple days away in a hut or something in nature to just rejuvenate. I feel like I don’t have the executive functions to search and plan that out though. I don’t know if it’s an INFP hang up, but it feels like there are just so many hoops to jump through even when you are just longing to simplify. I have serious envy of the types that plan and book themselves vacations back in February when all the parks and camping open. The irony is how on top and connected to tech we have to be in order to arrange even relaxation.