In his book, Please Understand Me II, David Keirsey approaches INFP, INFJ, ENFP and ENFJ types collectively (i.e., “NF” types), nicknaming them the “Idealists.” According to Keirsey, the self-image of these types is based on three things: empathy, benevolence and authenticity.
With respect to the authenticity element, Keirsey maintains that “the self-image they present to the world allows for no façade, no mask, not pretense.” Indeed, few would question that authenticity is deeply important to both INFJs and INFPs. These types commonly identify as Enneagram type 4, sometimes dubbed the “Artist” or “Individualist,” for whom authenticity is a central concern.
Because ENFJs and ENFPs are also intuitives (N), they too see themselves as unique and idiosyncratic to an extent that warrants an interest in authenticity. As extraverts, they may be more willing to bend their self-image in the direction of current trends, but this doesn’t negate their concern for authenticity, especially for those who self-identify as artists or creatives.
Keirsey and Enneagram authors Riso and Hudson describe NFs / Fours as engaged in a “search for self.” This search goes hand-in-hand with their desire for authenticity, which rests on conceiving themselves as unique individuals and presenting themselves to the world accordingly. However, according to Keirsey, this is not without its problems:
NFs report over and over that they are subject to an inner voice which urges them to “be real, be authentic”…But Idealists are inevitably caught in a dual role. Instead of the whole-hearted, authentic person they want to be, they are at once director and actor: they are on stage and, at the same time, watching themselves being on stage and prompting themselves with lines.
I think Keirsey makes an interesting point here, highlighting the impossibility of staying true to an abstract, idealized self-image while at the same time responding authentically to an ever-changing outer circumstance. In other words, one can’t be authentically responsive to the moment if constantly wondering whether she is staying true to her abstract self-understanding. This can only be accomplished by effectively forgetting oneself, but NFs worry that doing so will somehow compromise their authenticity. This suggests that there are really two types of authenticity: one involving an allegiance to an abstract self-image, the other an intuitive connection to the present moment.
Keirsey also claims that, more so than other types, NFs experience themselves as “objects of moral scrutiny.” They “feel others’ eyes upon them” and are “sensitive to how they are seen by others.” To this I would add that NFs are always looking to do the right thing and worry about letting people down. This, in combination with concerns about holding true to their core values, makes for a deeply complicated moral and interpersonal picture. As Keirsey observes:
So here again NFs are caught in a dilemma: confident of their integrity, yet at the same time devoted to pleasing others, they must walk on a razor’s edge, with authenticity on one side, and moral approval on the other.
Another Enneagram type relevant to this discussion is the Two, otherwise known as “The Helper.” Twos are less disposed to introspection than Fours, directing the bulk of their attention to meeting the needs of others. Thus, many INFP, INFJ, ENFP and ENFJ types find themselves operating somewhere between the individualistic, self-absorbed seeker that is the Enneagram Four, and the perpetually giving and self-sacrificing type Two. In Myers-Briggs parlance, their intuition (N) beckons them to the realm of abstract ideas, fantasies, values, etc., while their feeling (F) compels them to invest in and meet the concrete needs of others. How can ideals and fantasies be reconciled with the demands of real people and everyday life? Such is the challenge NFs are faced with.
Neither SFs nor NTs are terribly beset by these issues. As sensing (S) types, SFs are generally happy to help others in concrete ways. They don’t worry about whether what they’re doing is or isn’t authentic, but simply do what needs to be done—no questions asked. Like NFs, NTs tend to keep at least one eye on the world of abstractions, but they are less worried about others’ perceptions of them. As Keirsey observes, NTs “typically reserve to themselves the right to judge their own actions.” Hence, the tensions created between concurrent N and F preferences are largely unique to NF types.
One potential means of reconciling these difficulties involves identifying activities that serve to unify N and F in a meaningful way. When NFs help others in purely concrete (S) ways, their N tends to get left behind. Similarly, when they use their N in a strictly introverted or self-absorbed fashion, they are prone to feel disconnected from others. The trick would thus seem to involve finding ways of using intuition (N) to help others (F). Most NFs eventually figure this out on their own, taking interest in careers like teaching, counseling, religion, and non-profit work, all of which effectively marry N and F. Although pursuing such careers won’t cause NFs’ struggles to magically vanish, the unification of their identity, purpose and values in a vocation can be deeply meaningful and encouraging for these types.
It’s important for NFs to feel they are providing real value to the world, but in a way that harnesses their unique talents and abilities. It’s also important to many NFs that others recognize them as different or special. As long as this fails to happen, they are apt to feel misunderstood and dissatisfied with life. They want others to see that they’re not merely another cog in the societal wheel, but that they’re bringing something special to the table, something that requires time and perspicacity to fully appreciate.
Of course, NFs don’t expect everyone to “get them” at a deep level. But they do want some level of recognition for being different. Choosing a suitable career—one that reflects their core values and ideals—is one way of clueing others into what they truly care about. Like so many things in their lives, NFs see their work as symbolic of the deeper reality that is who they are. And if they’re primarily helping others in concrete ways, they worry that this deeper reality will get lost or overlooked. It’s therefore critical for them to find ways of expressing their core values, goals, ideals, etc. Not only will this help them feel more whole, but will ensure that others get a chance to glimpse, even if only occasionally, the part of themselves they cherish most and identify with.
Learn more in our about NF types in our books:
The 16 Personality Types: Profiles, Theory & Type Development
Beyond Rare: The INFJ’s Guide to Growth & Self-Awareness
Dawn Upham says
Thank you for this. It makes so many things clear to me, especially about helping in concrete ways and feeling unfulfilled in that capacity. Conversely, when I have focused solely on creative processes, I have felt disconnected from others. To know that this is “normal” is very helpful!
A.J. Drenth says
Great to hear Dawn. Thanks for your comment!
Ginny says
I find this all to be so true in my life. You have seen into my heart.
Much appreciate your posts. I look forward to each one.
Thank you!
A.J. Drenth says
Thanks so much Ginny!
Almost there says
Wow. Just wow. I’ve spent my entire life trying to suppress my four personality and at the same time the internal frustration of how unfulfilled I am with my people pleasing tendencies of the Two personality. There’s always a lot of pressure, especially if your female, to be fulfilled and happy giving everything to others. Thank you for writing this. Keirsey got it so right with this:
So here again NFs are caught in a dilemma: confident of their integrity, yet at the same time devoted to pleasing others, they must walk on a razor’s edge, with authenticity on one side, and moral approval on the other.
A.J. Drenth says
Glad to hear the post rang true for you. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Tina says
Is there any evidence that “types” run in families? Trying to figure out which of my parents to blame for my complex personality!
Sean says
An interesting post. I find that INFP and ENFP types have an easier time with authenticity, especial if their Fi is strong. They are inclined to empathize with the less fortunate, and aren’t afraid to take strong positions defending their unique views, even if it ruffles feathers. Ex: Senator Elizabeth Warren.
INFJ and ENFJ types tend to take on a more global view and are by nature more diplomatic, especially if their Fe is strong. They are more willing to take a more flexible position, i.e. sacrifice a bit of their authentic beliefs, in order to reach a big-picture goal. Ex: President Obama.
A.J. Drenth says
Great points Sean. Thanks for chiming in.
Sheryll says
Describes me to a tee! INFJ and 5w4. Now that I am retired, I battle this dilemma even more. I have had to redefine what is meaningful for me to do, which might not have the “importance” that it once had.
CJ says
This: “It’s also important to many NFs that others recognize them as different or special. As long as this fails to happen, they are apt to feel misunderstood and dissatisfied with life. They want others to see that they’re not merely another cog in the societal wheel, but that they’re bringing something special to the table”.
Thank you for saying it as it is.
Evelyn Baker says
Hi, ENFP here. Dawn Upham commented exactly how I feel. Thanks for the insight.
I also struggle with wanting the recognition of uniqueness and judging myself for wanting it.
Ron says
This article stopped me in my tracks and made me push everything else aside. I can relate to every word of this and even though I struggle and doubt what type I really am, I don’t think I can deny my connection to NFs. Thank you for this wonderful insight.
A.J. Drenth says
You’re quite welcome Ron.
Joy says
“This suggests that there are really two types of authenticity: one involving an allegiance to an abstract self-image, the other an intuitive connection to the present moment.”
As an INFJ E4, this just clarified one of my central inner conflicts. This clarity has created space in me to begin allowing more spontaneity in my reactions, so that I can ‘find out’ more about who I am, instead of the often oppressive process of internally checking my reactions against the abstract self image before aligning with them. Thank you.
A.J. Drenth says
Great to hear Joy. Thanks so much for sharing.
Sheila says
Really great post, describes the issues true to the point (I say as an INFJ). I loved your interpretations and reflections on Keirsey’s thoughts, in particular the one looking to differ between two kinds of authenticity. Truly resonates. As does your description of the tension between the enneagram aspects of 2 and 4 types. Thanks!
Austin McRobbie says
Very insightful, A.J.! As an ENFJ, I completely relate to the tension of fulfilling both N and F (which is why I’ve chosen counseling as a career).
Will you ever be producing a course or book on ENFJs?
Wowed says
Such a great post! I am an ENFJ/ENFP and I agree with EVERYTHING..!!!
This post helped me understand why I felt different from other people, and why I wanted other people to recognize that I was different.
It is SO true that NFs don’t expect other people to get them on a deeper level.. It is not out of arrogance or anything, but I now understand that it is because we have to marry the N with the F.
I feel unhappy in SF roles yet I feel compelled to do SF tasks due to demands of others. That led me to feel like I lost my own path. I am in the middle of finding my own path.
So good!
Thank you.
Genny says
A.J., how did you get into an NF’s mind?!
It is exactly that. Thank you for putting it into words.
Cedar says
I truly appreciate the in depth look at the split in my INFJ walk in the world. This helps me get on with life as it is, while understanding that my walk here occurs with simultaneous inward and outward vision, that many times conflict. Very helpful, thank you. 💜