With any pairing, the likelihood of success of a relationship must include consideration of the personal growth of each partner. Looking strictly at the Myers-Briggs personality type pairing can give one some predictable guidance regarding compatibility, but it is that tricky question of personal growth and individuation that can steer even a theoretically good typological match into pure catastrophe, or a potentially poor one toward harmony and success.
In actuality, the INFJ and INFP have no personality functions (Ni, Fe, etc.) in common. However, their sharing of three preferences (i.e., I, N, F) often leads to an alignment of values between these two types. Speaking from personal experience, some of my nearest and dearest friends have been INFP types. As fellow introverted intuitives, INFP’s and INFJ’s rejection of superficialities and first appearances gives them a feeling of camaraderie and intimacy. They are both adept at recognizing hidden meanings and symbolic references. Both of them value compassion, reflection, and intellectual and artistic pursuits.
What is perhaps unique about INFPs and INFJs in relationship is they can feel like Siamese twins, or reflective yet conjoined images of one another. (This phenomenon would also be common between INFJ and ENFP or INFP and ENFJ). When the INFP extraverts intuition (Ne), the INFJ finds resonance with his or her dominant, however buried, Ni, and so feels understood. Similarly, the INFJ’s Extraverting Feeling (Fe) draws the trust of the INFP whose Introverted Feeling (Fi) senses the deep compassion and warmth of the INFJ that the INFP feels inside but may have difficultly expressing. In other words, the INFJ and INFP each extravert parts of themselves that the other strongly identifies with. The result is absolutely a feeling of being understood and in harmony. The danger of this phenomenon, however, can be that each partner, sensing the ability of the other to actualize (or extravert) the parts of himself the he would like to show the world in an attempt to become individuated, can bring about jealousy and, in the worst case, distrust.
Since the journey toward wholeness for introverts is one of bringing what is inside out, there can be buried envy when one’s partner displays those parts which the other has a hard time showing. Indeed, when this pairing gets together initially it may be because of the ego’s desire to see its inner-self becoming actualized – something that the partner is able to do as a result of the reversed functional direction. Doing so can be dangerous because it amounts to depending on the other to supply what the individual thinks it cannot give to himself. This path can easily lead to a love/hate relationship if unchecked. For example, the INFP (or, more accurately, the INFP’s inferior function) may grow to envy the ease with which the INFJ comfortably extraverts judgment and may eventually criticize the INFJ for “jumping to conclusions” too quickly or even accuse the INFJ of “superficiality” seeing the extraverted nature of INFJ’s feeling as a put on. Conversely, INFJs may be jealous of the intellectual dexterity and creativity that is displayed by the Ne function of the INFP while their Ni continues to go hidden. Feeling threatened or upstaged, the INFJ may similarly accuse the INFP of being “silly and unfocused” or accuse the INFP of superficiality.
That said, if an INFJ and INFP couple can acknowledge these blind/weak spots, and work accordingly to counteract them, I think they have wonderful potential. Indeed, the INFJ may actually draw the INFP out of his or her shell – teaching the INFP to communicate openly, honestly, and directly – to avoid one of the INFP’s biggest pitfalls: passive aggressive behavior. Conversely, the INFP can help the INFJ to temper his or her judgments, to let go of some of the perfectionism so common to the INFJ breed in order to better enjoy the journey or process.
Learn More in Our Books:
The 16 Personality Types: Profiles, Theory & Type Development
Beyond Rare: The INFJ’s Guide to Growth & Self-Awareness
INFJ Type Profile | INFP Type Profile
INFJ vs. INFP: Key Differences
Lovely. Despite of the difficulties, I think it is one of the best relationships! I am an INFP and love my INFJ friends (the ones I obviously know).
I am an INFP and my partner is an INFJ and the impact she had on me from the moment we met was really staggering – I have not met many people who operate at the same frequency as me before and I used to think my introvert nature was a symptom of this (a sense of not belonging). But she was so unbelievably with my vision of the world and life and what our journey is about… coolest person ever. I cherish, love and trust her very very truly and honestly. The depth and authenticity and similarities were immensely clear, and the Siamese twin thing mentioned in this article is very interesting and relatable – Even before we were together we affectionately used the term Amesoeurs (soul sisters). Meeting her was a massive wake up call and I continue to learn and develop as a person every day because of how fascinating and inspiring she is to me.
I am an INFJ personality and my boyfriend of 5 years is a INFP personality. We match absolutely wonderfully. Since we met 5 years ago our morals and interests and personalities always alligned perfectly. We were long distance for 3 years (he lived in South Korea, I live in the US) and our passion for a meaningful relationship and loyalty for one another allowed us to endure those 3 years. After he moved here we confirmed how truly amazing and special our relationship is. I can’t tell you how many people have told us we are soul mates and have described us as twins.
I am an INFP… I once had the privilege of dating a wonderful INFJ woman. The best way I can put that relationship into words?Not ONCE in my entire existence have I felt such a strong affinity, sense of belonging, and love for another person of the opposite sex. Losing her was one of the most excruciating experiences of my life and what eventually drove me off the dating “game”, out of frustration and inability to find anyone who could barely even match her.
The whole time we were together, even though we had been friends for a few years, it felt like I knew her my entire life. We matched nearly perfectly in almost every sense of the word, and people everywhere couldn’t help but comment how good we looked together. In a nutshell… it was a match made in heaven. I could lose myself chatting with her for hours. Physical intimacy with her was pure, unadulterated bliss.
The whole twin thing is also spot on, as the two of us always used to describe a very tight “Force bond” between us (we’re both huge nerds) which made mutual love and understanding so easy and natural. It’s been years now, and I’ve dated other people since then, before quitting… yet I still miss her to this day. Perhaps I was meant to meet her in order to experience what true love felt like, before being once again cast away into the all-too-familiar, lonely corner I usually hang around. So that I could at least say, before my ineluctable end… “I loved another human being down to their very soul.”
Long story short: 10/10, would freaking date again with no hesitation if given the chance. Does anyone have a time machine? Or a Time Leap device?
Don’t give up! I’m sure there’s someone out there looking for you as well!
Go out and find her, man!
I’m an INFP with an INFJ partner. It’s only been 2 months, but we really click well and understand when the other is worried about something, a rather impressive feat considering we’re in a long distance relationship and only speak through text at the moment. Lily’s comment and this article make me truly believe in the possibility that one day we’ll meet, no matter how long we have to wait, because our connection is a strong and emotional one.
It’s so true. I’m an INFP male and I met my INFJ girl when I was 25. I have never felt so close to someone in all my life. We were also long distance for 2 1/2 years. We would spend sometimes 6 hours a day talking or on skype. I loved her so much, but the process of getting her to where I was was too difficult (she was in a foreign country) and she became disappointed in me I guess. She left me, i have never hurt so much and for so long in my entire life. Even 4 years later I still think about her all the time, I thought we would always be together and nothing could ever come between us. I have to say though that when she left, she left. she has not returned to speak to me one time after we broke up. I couldn’t believe it, someone that I understood so well and understood me, I thought we could always discuss things respectfully. However I learned something about INFJ’s, they make harsh and quick decisions and then never go back. I felt that I couldn’t live without her and believed she would feel the same way, but she did not. So I just wanted to warn all those INFP’s out there, if it goes bad it is the worst feeling in the world, they will cut you out quick. Other than that the relationship was amazing, they truly are your soul mate.