INTJ Personality Type

By Dr. A.J. Drenth

Like the INFJ, the INTJ personality type is among the rarest of the sixteen types, thought to comprise only 2-3% of the population. More often than not, INTJs carry a Y-chromosome, outnumbering INTJ females at a clip of four to one.

With Introverted Intuition (Ni) as their dominant function, INTJs’ signature strength is deep perception. This of course cannot be divorced from their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), which subconsciously amasses sensory information from the environment. This stream of sensory data provides the raw material for their Ni to form its “impressions” and theories. Much of this process occurs rather passively and subconsciously, allowing INTJs to know things without a full realization of how they know them. This is one of the inherent challenges of intuitive knowing, being able to translate what can often be an amorphous intuition or image into a more rational, communicable form.

As Ni dominants, INTJs are naturally attuned to “the big picture.” They can’t help but see how everything is interconnected. They are born theorists, concerned with explicating the underlying connections and cause-effect relationships of the physical world (Se/Te). This is why the world’s greatest mathematicians and physicists (e.g., Stephen Hawking) are often INTJs.

(*Thank you for not posting this INTJ profile on other websites. Excerpts are okay.)

INTJ Al Gore

Al Gore, INTJ

Since their dominant function is a Perceiving function, INTJs often present as passive, even somewhat phlegmatic. More proactive types, such as ENTJs, might even deem them somewhat lazy or apathetic. But calling INTJs (or INFJs) lazy is to miss the point of what it means to be a Perceiver. Since INTJs’ first and foremost job is to Perceive rather than Judge or act, functioning in a passive mode of perception is actually their most authentic form of “work,” work that can ultimately be of great benefit to society. After all, the reason that INTJs’ theories are often superior is because, as Perceivers, they do not force things. They patiently allow their Intuition to do its work until it is finally time to translate it a la their auxiliary Te. This is one way they differ significantly from NP types (including INTPs), who can seem more impulsive, random, and arbitrary in their theorizing.

As Te types, INTJs generally display little as far as variability of emotion or expression. Exuding an air of learnedness and erudition, they may sometimes be perceived as intellectual snobs or elitists (similar to how INFJs can seem like cultural or artistic snobs). Perceptions of arrogance or aloofness notwithstanding, their status as intellectuals is typically well-founded. Not only do INTJs sport the highest collective IQ of all types, but they are almost always well-informed, displaying broad-ranging knowledge and incredible memories. As Te types, they are undeterred from directly and firmly (or some would say, “bluntly”) expressing their viewpoints. Similar to ENTJs, onlookers can be taken aback by their directness, viewing them as opinionated, dogmatic, or closed-minded.

INTJs can also be surprisingly talkative, especially once their Ni gets rolling. Like INFJs, they can talk at great length (and depth) on topics that interest them. This is one reason INTJs often like lecturing and college teaching. And while not the most dynamic or energetic of orators, INTJs enjoy wit and relaying stories or illustrations from pop culture. This can help to “humanize” them in the eyes of their listeners, even if their delivery remains a bit dry and monotonal. Since INTJs express themselves a la Te, it can be easy for others to miss this “lighter side” of the INTJ. Many would be surprised that INTJs are characteristically light, even playful, far less serious inwardly than might be inferred from their outward presentation.

INTJ Personality Type Development & Functional Stack

INTJs’ functional stack  is composed of the following functions:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition (Ni)

Auxiliary: Extraverted Thinking (Te)

Tertiary:  Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Inferior:  Extraverted Sensing (Se)

The personality type development of INTJs can be broadly conceived according to three phases:

Phase I (Early Childhood)

Early in life, INTJs are characterized by the development and dominance of their Introverted Intuition (Ni). As Introverts, they may also show significant development of their second function, Extraverted Thinking (Te), which can serve as a helpful extraverted tool for navigating the outside world. The Ni-Te function pair allows INTJs to make and express judgments.

Since Ni is a perceiving function, it would be spurious to classify INTJs as closed-minded at any point in their development. But during Phase I, at least when viewed from without, they may seem rigid, stubborn, opinionated, or closed-minded. Even if their judgments are presciently accurate, they may, at this stage, lack some discernment regarding if, when, and how it is best to express those judgments. Moreover, their Ni-Te conclusions are not yet being honed and tempered by their tertiary Fi, making the INTJ more reluctant to review or revise them.

Phase II (Adolescence-30s)

Once the dominant function reaches a certain threshold of strength and dominance, INTJs’ inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), enters the picture and begins to play a more influential role. This can be confusing because the inferior is not next in line for development in the functional stack. The inferior’s undue influence derives from its bipolar relationship with the dominant function. As I have described elsewhere, the inferior function is the primary culprit in unwise career and relational decision-making. Unfortunately, its influence peaks in Phase II, which happens to be the same time INTJs are making life-altering decisions about their careers and relationships.

In addition to the increasing presence and influence of their inferior Se, INTJs’ also experience a refinement of their Te judgments as they become more open to the personal feelings and values associated with their tertiary function, Introverted Feeling (Fi).

Phase III (30s, 40s, & Beyond)

Phase III, a phase which many individuals never reach or complete, is characterized by an attempt to understand and integrate the tertiary and inferior functions. By bringing greater awareness to these less conscious functions into the light of consciousness, we can better envision our path toward wholeness. Doing so requires understanding the nature of how these functions manifest within our type, including the ways they can be grandiose, selfish, defensive, and destructive. It also requires becoming more aware of our personal patterns of unconscious behavior, including ways we have avoided, indulged, or crutched our inferior function. Once these patterns have been laid bare, they can be supplanted with new and healthier thoughts and behaviors.

INTJs’ Dominant Function: Introverted Intuition (Ni)

As enumerated in my latest eBook, My True Type, in order to understand INTJs (or other IJ types), we must recognize the full implications of their dominant function being a Perceiving function. In short, I suggest that INTJs are best understood as predominant Perceivers. While they can certainly function as rational thinkers a la their auxiliary Te, their first preference is to process matters in less rational ways through Ni. In its popular connotation, intuition is understood as an unconscious way of knowing, or what Malcolm Gladwell has called, “thinking without thinking.” It is therefore interesting to consider that, for dominant Intuitives like INTJs, intuition is considered their most conscious function.

While intuition is more conscious for INTJs than it is for other types, it is important to remember that Ni is a Perceiving function. So although INTJs may have readier access to its workings and products, there is still a sense in which they don’t control it. When we start talking about control, we move into the domain of the Judging functions. What INTJs can control is their level of exposure to the problems they want their Ni to solve, as well as the sort of raw material that feeds into their Ni. The more they are exposed to or immersed in a certain topic, the more their insight will deepen. So it’s not that INTJs can be totally hands-off, content to merely sit back and allow Ni to immediately solve everything for them. Rather, INTJs who function optimally find the right balance between allowing their Ni to do its thing and consciously participating with it. We might think of this as a process of mutual informing and enrichment between the conscious and unconscious mind.

Because INTJs can be profoundly insightful and prescient, Ni can almost seem magical to the outsider. While not discounting the impressiveness of INJ insights, the workings of Ni can be rationally understood. Namely, INTJs’ inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), unconsciously gathers copious amounts of sensory information from the outside world. Ni then processes the data in order to make sense of it, like assembling pieces of a puzzle. Eventually, an “impression” is formed about what is happening. Since outsiders are only be privy to the end result of this process, as delivered through INTJs’ auxiliary Te, they typically don’t understand the process by which the insight was formed, making it seem more magical than it really is.

It is often said that human beings rely more heavily on vision than any of our other senses. This seems particularly true of INJs, who often report a strong visual element associated with their Ni. Many INTJs report thinking by way of images more than words. Their intuitions may emerge in the form of symbols, images, dreams, or patterns. This is consistent with Jung’s characterization of the Ni type as the dreamer or seer. There is a distinct visual character to these notions, which is why vision-related terms—foresight, insight, seer, visionary, etc.—are invariably used in describing INJs. The visual nature of Ni might also tie into their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), which is also a visual function. The difference is that Se is attuned to the specifics and details of the environment, whereas Ni is more concerned with forming an impression or theory of what is happening based on the totality of incoming sensory information.

Visual processing also seems advantageous for the reconciliation of opposites, which seems to be a specialty of Ni. Verbal processing can be understood as a largely left-brained affair. In order to name or otherwise describe things in words, we must extract whatever we hope to describe from its surrounding context. This discrimination is what the left brain does. While undoubtedly useful, language in many ways relies on our ability to keep things separate and distinct. This can make it difficult to find solutions to certain problems, especially those in which two ideas or concepts seem contradictory. The nice thing about visual processing is it doesn’t have the same rules or impediments as verbal processing. In some cases, problems can be solved through the use of images or symbols that seemed intransigent to logical solutions. The work of Einstein is a good example of the merits of non-verbal problem-solving. Indeed, one reason why INTJs can be such formidable theorists is they can approach problems through the non-rational ways of Ni, as well as the more rational approach of Te. They can capitalize on the strengths of both the left and right brain, of both words and images. Jung is a classic example of such a thinker.

INTJs’ Auxiliary Function: Extraverted Thinking (Te)

INTJs’ auxiliary function, Extraverted Thinking (Te), hails squarely from the left brain. The left brain is characteristically abstract, logical, analytical, and systematic. It takes the perceived world and breaks it down into parts. It then proceeds to name each part, describe its functions, and determine its relationship to other parts. Te functions to rationally understand the world, thereby making it more amenable to structuring, prediction, and control.

While INTJs’ Ni is anything but systematic, once an intuition has been uploaded into consciousness, their Te takes over and works to give it rational form, sort of like decompressing a computer file. This process can be painstaking, often taking longer than birthing the intuition itself. But in order for others to trust and get behind their ideas, INTJs must do their best to translate their intuitions into words or formulae.

In honing and shaping their intuitions, INTJs’ Te is highly systematic and methodical, even perfectionistic. They proceed carefully and slowly, always looking forward to foresee potential obstacles and contingencies. They work to incorporate facts, data, and other objective considerations.

Unlike FJs, INTJs are not as concerned with preserving social harmony. Te is characteristically impersonal, focused on objects and systems rather than subjective feelings. Through the impersonal and objectifying lens of Te, the world becomes a giant machine, a system of interrelated parts that functions according to the laws of cause and effect.

A Te-based approach also emphasizes quantification, including utilizing objective and measurable goals and standards. Never vague or ambiguous, it employs clear definitions, policies, plans, and procedures. It carefully spells out how to get from here to there, using as many maps, directions, and labels as appropriate. The modern world, characterized by a sprawling system of laws and bureaucracy, might be viewed as the offspring of an unchecked Te.

In the end, it is important to remember that INTJs, like ISTJs, are not Te-dominant types. Not only are they blessed with the ability to isolate and analyze specifics, but they can simultaneously maintain a clear vision of the whole system, including its hierarchical structure and the interrelationships of its constituent parts. Their proficiency with seeing both the big picture (Ni) and its specifics (Te) makes INTJs masters of strategy, systemic analysis and reform, and contingency planning. They are quintessential “systems thinkers.”

INTJs’ Tertiary Function: Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Introverted Feeling (Fi) is INTJs’ tertiary function. An important feature of Fi is its direction. Because it is introverted, onlookers are barred from accessing INTJs’ emotions. This is exacerbated by the fact that Fi falls lower in their functional stack, after their Te. Hence, rightly or not, INTJs can seem impersonal and insensitive to others’ feelings.

As INTJs become more aware of their Fi, they get better acquainted with their personal feelings and values. They discover that truth does not merely reside at the level of universals (Ni-Te) but also in the felt experience of the individual (Fi). This may inspire INTJs to dive deeper into the process of self-discovery. Frederich Nietzsche, often cast as an INTJ, was deeply concerned with self-discovery and self-actualization, exemplified in his famous dictum “Become who you are.”

It is not uncommon for INTJs to be largely career focused (Te) as young adults. But as they develop in their type, they may start to ask themselves if they are really doing what they want to be doing and how well it coheres with their values.

Fi may also inspire INTJs to work toward change and reform. Their Ni and Fi can work together to formulate a grand vision, while their Te specifies plans for implementation. Their drive for change and reform may find roots in any number of fields—from politics, to business, to education, and so on.

Lastly, less mature INTJs can be prone to taking things personally (as Fi types are wont to do). They may seem excessively sensitive, quick to overreact and defend themselves. With growth and maturity, however, INTJs become less defensive and less apt to take things personally.

INTJs’ Inferior Function: Extraverted Sensing (Se)

Like other types, INTJs can be easily blinded to the degree to which their inferior function impacts their decisions and behavior. Without sufficient awareness and integration of their inferior, INTJs will continue to feel incomplete and be prone to unwise decision-making in their careers, lifestyle, and relationships. As discussed on my INTJ careers page, INTJs may be enticed by their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), to pursue careers for which they are ill-suited. In order to avoid being subconsciously controlled by their inferior function, INTJs must work to understand the ways in which their inferior Se manifests in their personality.

Sensory Novelty & Material Security

Like INFJs, INTJs can display a curious thirst for sensory novelty, material comforts, and physical thrills (Se). They may drive expensive cars, purchase luxurious homes, or arrange for the exclusive accommodations when travelling. When caught in the grip of their inferior Se, even the most responsible INTJs can lose control. They may turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, extravagant vacations, or food to indulge their Se. They may also tend to struggle with subsistence-related fears. They may worry excessively about losing their jobs, being forced to relocate, or not having enough money. This S-N battle can also make decisions about careers and relationships more difficult for INTJs. They may struggle to choose between a career or partner that promises material security or novelty (Se) versus metaphysical (Ni) fulfillment.

Disembodiment

Of all types, INTJs (and INFJs) are the most detached and disconnected from their own bodies. Not only is their S function inferior, but INTJs do not have Si in their functional stack, which is the function that contributes an internal sense of one’s body. In his book, Jung’s Four and Some Philosophers, Thomas King writes of the Introverted Intuitive: “his hands are alien to him and his body unfamiliar.”

Because of their detachment from their physicality, INTJs may have fears or nightmares regarding unforeseen declines in their health. Others may forget to eat regularly and appear undernourished, or they may overeat because of lack of attention to how much they are eating. To compensate for this mind-body disconnect, they may subject themselves to overly strict, even obsessive, regimens of diet and exercise.

Perfectionism

All N dominants can be perfectionistic, driven to see their N ideals perfectly translated into S reality. This is no different for INTJs, who place the highest value on quality and accuracy in their work. Some INTJs may be willing to sacrifice everything, even their own health, to ensure their work is done perfectly, with no detail overlooked. Any deviation from their ideal is viewed as a desecration, an irreparable marring of their perfect ideal. It is therefore unsurprising that their perfectionism can be destructive if left unchecked.

Dealing with N-S Discrepancies

In attempt to temper their perfectionism, INTJs may focus primarily on identifying and articulating truth, while disinvolving themselves from its application. In typological terms, they try to emphasize N and diminish the importance of S. This may be why INTJs are common among academics, as the academy allows them to develop their theories more or less independently of their application.

Other INTJs may work to actualize their ideals while trying to content themselves with something less than perfection. This option, while frustrating to their penchant for perfectionism, may be somewhat more enticing to their Se, which pushes for a tangible end product. However, this brings about a new set of concerns. Namely, once an S outcome deviates from the N ideal, at what point is it no longer acceptable? INTJs may face this question in both their work and their relationships, forced to consider whether the outcome is acceptable or whether they should just cut their losses and start over.

What seems most important for individuating INTJs to recognize is that their primary job is to perceive and analyze, to provide a coherent and accurate explanation of a particular physical system or phenomenon. The implementation or application of that analysis is typically best left to other types. If INTJs can learn to focus primarily on the Ni-Te process, without getting tied up in controlling or micromanaging Se outcomes, they will be much better off.

For a more extensive look at each of the INTJ’s personality preferences and functions, check out my latest e-Book:

My True Type: Clarifying Your Personality Type, Preferences & Functions

Related Posts:

INTJ Relationships & Compatibility

INTJ Careers, Jobs, & Majors

INTJ vs. INTP: Type Differences

Famous INTJs/ Celebrities:

Stephen Hawking, John Nash, Al Gore, Jean Paul Sartre, Mary Poppins, Dr. House (television), Ayn Rand, Hillary Clinton, Monk (television), Daniel Quinn, Sherlock (television)

*INTJs may find some points of overlap with Enneagram Ones (1w9), Threes (3w4), or Fives (5w4, 5w6).

Comments

  1. MB says

    “Other INTJs may work to actualize their ideals while trying to content themselves with something less than perfection. This option, while frustrating to their penchant for perfectionism, may be somewhat more enticing to their Se, which pushes for a tangible end product. However, this brings about a new set of concerns. Namely, once an S outcome deviates from the N ideal, at what point is it no longer acceptable? INTJs may face this question in both their work and their relationships, forced to consider whether the outcome is acceptable or whether they should just cut their losses and start over.”

    This is me right now. I am working in teaching which gives me a lot of latitude for creativity and problem-solving and allows me to turn my ideas into a working reality. The difficulty is, perfection is unattainable. I want to do things 100% right and amazing all the time, but due to the amount of time and effort that takes, it is not sustainable for a month, much less a school year.

    I love my job, but I worry that I am not good enough because I can only rarely see plans through to perfection. My vision for myself is unachievable. Do I stay with the job I love that is also intrinsically frustrating, or do I switch careers into something that potentially gives me less opportunity for creativity and problem-solving, but for which I will never have to doubt my competence?

    Anyway, that is my little mental debate of the past year or so. Good article!

    • Lien says

      Think about this:

      Even though perfectionism isn’t be attainable in most cases, it sounds like your drive to be flawless and is causing you to doubt yourself. If this continues then you might settle with the fact that you won’t be perfect, and that could lead to setting lower expectations and laziness in decisions, projects, innovation, etc. However, that realization could go a completely different way for you. Since you already know that 100% perfection is unobtainable, perhaps the lowering of your expectations will help you to feel more complete in your new standard of excellence. I find that within the ability to be excellent requires the recovery of mistakes for the betterment of knowledge and understanding. The perfect human simply does not exist, but we all possess the ability to be the best version of ourselves. I hope that can provide some insight to your situation. What do you think?

  2. Amir says

    Good writing. I read a lot about the rare wonders of INTJ but I seek more information on the weakness and how to balance it out. This gives a rational explaination on why sometimes INTJs got their perceptions wrong.

    Coping with stress is a bane.

    Thanks.

  3. Lily Elliot says

    Hello there,

    I am an heterosexual woman who has always typed as an INTJ.

    I want to thank you for making it clear that we INTJs make judgments based on our perceptions. I have always been frustrated by the lazy, and usually pejorative, way so many Myers Briggs practitioners describe INTJs: cold, unfeeling, judgmental, etc. When in fact I, and I suspect most other INTJs, are not judgmental in the traditional sense. Instead, one of the characteristics of our personality is that we judge situations and people according to our perceptions of it and them, and then base our subsequent actions on those perception-based judgments.

    I also want to thank you for saying explicitly that, in recognition of the fact that most people who have the INTJ profile are men, your discussion of relationship compatibility is based on the assumption that the generalized INTJ type you discuss is an heterosexual man. I suspect most other Myers Briggs practitioners, consciously or not, assume the same thing and that colors their assessments of INTJ relationship compatibility. While it makes sense that heterosexual INTJ men would be drawn to other Ns, Fs, and Ps, this doesn’t hold true for me (and perhaps other INTJ women). Maybe some personality types might find it more challenging to be together than others, but being an N-type shouldn’t preclude finding and having a healthy and rich long-term relationship with an S- or any other type.

    In my case I am at a point where I would like to marry and have children with a heterosexual man. I am taking the time to learn about myself, including my strengths and weaknesses, with the help of tools, such as Myers Briggs (your site in particular), Love Languages, Enneagram, and counseling.

    The type of person with whom I would like to create a thriving and loving family isn’t a mind-mate, but a mature and self-possessed man who commits to our relationship and family more than he commits to me because as individuals we may go through periods when we drive each other crazy or are head-over-heels in love.

    Perhaps other INTJ women have learned as I have that if two people want to be together and have a shared vision for their lives — apart and together — how they deal with issues of sex, religion, money, and child rearing, there will not be irreconcilable differences; they will find a way through that is positive for both them and their family even if it means to agree to disagree. Irrespective of personality type, Enneagram number, or love language they will love, respect, and affirm each other without making each other feel or need to be everything to the other or projects to be changed, improved, or diminished.

    –LAE

    • Christopher G. says

      Lily,
      I believe that we all desire unfailing love and security.
      Best of luck to you in your pursuit.
      -Chris

    • Liz says

      In responses to Lily:

      I am a straight INTJ woman, too. I’ve been in a long term relationship (11 years) with an INTP man. I wanted to call out several of the qualities you are looking for in your relationship that we have in ours: independence, love & respect, and above all, commitment to each other.

      We have bonded through making a shared vision for our lives into a reality. We have been through life transitions together and made big choices about next steps that will affect both of us. As “analyst” types, INTP and INTJ coming to conclusions together about what we collectively want out of life when faced with a big decision (cross-country move, job changes, or even planning a big vacation/trip) has brought us closer together. This becomes the basis of a deep and meaningful connection that persists through the ups and downs of our relationship.

      We have always valued each others’ independence: we don’t have to do everything together, and seeing the other thriving in their element brings out a sense of pride and passion. He introduces me to new worlds that he is deeply involved in, which, in turn, enriches my life.

      A quality you didn’t mention that really makes my relationship with an INTP work is intellectual parity. INTP and INTJ types both want to feel impressed by their partner’s smartness. We are quick to dismiss new people to whom we can only relate on a “surface” level of gossip or small talk, or who can not keep up with our thinking and analysis. We’re excellent conversational partners, but by no means feel forced to talk all the time. Common interests in evaluating what’s working in the world and our day to day lives & why people do what they do form our conversation base at the end of a long work day. Challenging puzzles, word games, and silly puns are fun to us both.

      Consider that even though an N/P is not your ideal and it may be hard to find the warmth and space to break in to his heart, you can still have an incredibly fulfilling long term relationship if you have shared vision, respect one another, and find the ways that you have fun together!

      • Lily says

        Hi Liz,

        Thank you for your thoughtful reply to my initial post. First off let me say that I’m aware that, in the best INTJ style, my comments may come off as judgmental or arrogant, which is not by intention.

        I’m interested in what you said about the missing component of my original post. The funny thing to me is that in a way you’re reinforcing my point: without knowing someone’s background, experience base, family pecking order, outside interests, relationship goals, education level, financial situation, and a gazillion other factors it’s really not possible to say what kinds of people would be best suited so it’s important to get past the “mind mate” or other type of personality or relationship box.

        The better I understand myself, the more comfortable I am with a range of people and personality types. Moreover, because I’ve learned to know and understand myself better I better understand how I can help or hinder any relationship I might have. I’m aware, for example, that I might be more “intelligent” or “accomplished” than most people I might encounter, but so what. What I’ve learned to ask myself when I start to go to that sort of arrogant place is, so if I am so smart what am I, or can I do, to help this relationship thrive or is there a way to walk away from it or disagree in a way that is not disagreeable.

        I also know that my questions may come off as judgmental or haughty, even though I’m just trying to get at the heart of the issue or person. So I’ve learned to tell people “This is just a question, only a question because I’m trying to understand you or the situation better.” I also let people with whom I do have a more personal relationship know that “I’m not always aware of my feelings, so I may need some time to figure stuff out, so please be patient with me.” Another thing I’ve learned to do when I’m trying to work through something is to tell people “This isn’t a complete and finished thought. I’m trying to work through some issues and will let you know when I’ve figured it out.”

        I’ve been amazed by how these subtle shifts in attitude have helped all of my personal and professional interactions. I’ve found that letting people in to the way my mind works really helps me to connect with all kinds of people and helps them to connect with me. I also am much better about asking people what’s going on with them, taking a genuine interest in them and what’s going on in there lives, as well as engaging with them on a variety levels. Yet when all is said and done, when it comes to the people with whom I share the most and can relate to the best on a personal level I find myself more drawn to, and comfortable with, other introverts who are inclined to J-type perceiving and subsequent judging.

        Have a wonderful day everyone and thank you all for taking the time to reach out.

      • Tracey says

        Thanks Liz- this is my situation as well as a INTJ female with what I am suspecting is my INTP male partner. I appreciate your views here. I am also thinking that in our current society that INTJ females may not be so rare anymore…

    • Zack says

      It is interesting how you consider relationship tastes to vary from INTJ man to INTJ woman. I am a young male INTJ with a lot to learn about myself and where I fit in with the world. I have only recently become aware of how valuable my Fi is in my formation of worldviews–in fact I am a large fan of Friedrich Nietzsche and do seek some means of attaining self-actualization at some point in my life. I have applied to be a resident advisor at my college because I feel I could learn a lot about getting in touch with my people skills and my Fi, as well as use my Ni and Te skills to carry out my job successfully.

      But to get back to my initial comment: as an INTJ man, I consciously seek out people who tend to fit the ENFP mold. In fact, it was my ENFP girlfriend who informed me about the MBTI, with whom I have helped sustain a primarily long-distance, 8-month relationship while I am at college. We are still together, against my initial judgment, because we are simply happy with our relationship, regardless of the distance–there is no need to speculate about any hypothetical outcomes of our relationship now, as we will address any barriers when they come up. Hence, I have learned to trust my Fi a little bit more, as she has helped mold me into a more conscientious person, in addition to helping me not rely so much on hypothetical outcomes, and to accept whatever good stuff I have at the time without questioning it.

      For INTJ women on the other hand, I could see how ~ENFP men may not necessarily be favorable, although I have no solid explanation for it. Perhaps, it could be the nature of the social behaviors that men and women exhibit. Many of my hypotheses will be based on stereotypes and generalizations, so please take my hypothesis with a grain of salt, and if anything comes across as demeaning or too direct, please don’t take it offensively, as you all probably know this is simply what an INTJ unconsciously does.

      In western culture, men strive more to exhibit masculine qualities, while women strive more to exhibit feminine qualities. Unfortunately in our society, people are more often put off by one who does not follow this norm. Society views men as generally basing decisions more on logic, while women are viewed as making decisions based more on feeling. INTJ women are, of course, more logical thinkers. They may not be the so-called “bubbly” types who wear bright dresses and makeup frequently, or are inclined to engage in bouts of flirtation, courtship, or some sort of romanticism as would ~sadly~ be “expected” of a woman. It ought to be okay–we INTJs don’t often care about such superficial qualities, and would rather not “waste” our time with tedious games (not to say that courting and flirting are a waste of time, but simply less valuable to INTJs as coordinated pragmatism in relationships). Unfortunately, some men, precisely men who more closely fit the mold of the ENFP type, may be put off but this lack of femininity. The ENFP is a romantic type–a dreamer–and the blatant contradiction of societal expectations may not sit as comfortably in their psyches.

      The ENFP man may think he is more “feminine” or “emotional” than the INTJ woman, or that the INTJ woman is not into him because she may not display as much emotion as he’d expect, since women in movies and TV shows are more often represented as displaying emotional and less logic-oriented roles. The ENFP woman/INTJ man combo might align more to these social norms, which happen to make that pair more attainable. Keep in mind this is only a hypothesis, and I am curious what the INTJ woman has to say about it.

      I don’t mean to over-generalize, because I’m sure several men out there would not feel so out-of-place if they viewed themselves as more emotional than their woman partner, or that several INTJ women do occasionally wear colorful dresses/like to flirt. Also, I don’t like to base large-scale group behavior primarily on stereotypes, but stereotypes do play a large role in social functions. So please tell me, do you think the idea of the INTJ woman/~ENFP man combination may be less attainable than the INTJ man/ENFP woman combination because of the way society portrays men and women and their respective “gender roles,” regardless of whether you believe in such a thing, or ethically approve of such a thing?

      P.S.
      I keep a list of all the MBTI types of my friends and family which I have had take the test, or who have remembered what their type was. I have been told that this is a little creepy, or obsessive, and I totally agree. This is simply my idea of a good time, and I would never pry into someone’s privacy if they didn’t want me to. But I was using this idea to transition into the fact that I have never (as far as I know) gotten to know an INTJ woman very well, and I would like to meet some and interact to gain some insight into the INTJ woman perspective. I love learning about what life is like for others.

      I hope you enjoyed my rambling analysis. Cheers.

  4. says

    Thanks for that Lily, I agree.
    As an INTJ woman, a large part of my difficulty realising my true type was having a domineering INFJ mother who projected a lot on to me. This led me to believe and test as INFJ numerous times. Because of the predominantly male-centric info on INTJ it took longer. Having researched the preferences and cognitive functions quite extensively, learning to trust and rely on the dominant function, Ni, and then auxiliary Te, and developing my Fi (as AJ says quite accurately in my case, due to my own emotionally challenging upbringing) I am beginning to understand myself more as a thinking perceiver rather than feeler.
    Perhaps it is up to us few female INTJs to share our experiences more so that others like ourselves may find themselves that bit easier. I am in the second year of my counselling degree and realise that my main aim is to establish myself as a writer, while bringing my experience to counselling as well, also as research for my writing (honouring confidentiality of course!). The descriptions I read of INTJ become generalised to suggest that I should be some science-whiz with a mastermind agenda and disdain for other humans and this does not sit well at all. Rather, I relate to being intuitive, rational, and private about feelings but very concerned for others. Just within the right conditions. Much of my concern is internal yet I feel it very deeply.
    That’s all.

    Cheers,
    Darcey

    • says

      I should say, ‘Many of the descriptions I read of INTJ…’ as this one does quite clearly highlight the INTJ’s dominance of intuition rather than the ENTJ’s dominant Te.

    • says

      That should say, ‘Many of the descriptions I read of INTJ…’ as this peronalityjunkie description quite explicitly explains the difference between INTJ’s dominant Ni as opposed to ENTJ’s dominant Te. There is a lot of false, stereotypes out there on INTJ, I think. Or maybe it is more true for the guys.

  5. Alouette says

    I am an ENFJ and I have an INTJ “friend” if you can call him that. He can’t relate to me emotionally, so whenever I want to relate to him I have to become an emotionless robot, then he relates. But if I discuss anything emotional with him, he ignores me. “Hello, are you there?” I ask him. Are they rude or do they just not process the auditory input when it’s emotional? Are INTJ’s mostly alexithymic? I find them extremely difficult to get along with, because the duty is on me to try to figure out what the poor INTJ will relate to and what he won’t relate to, and it is very taxing trying to play into their rudeness.

    • Petra says

      Sounds more like a guys thing, than INTJ-specific. You want/need something from him and he is not planning on giving it to you. He probably has no need for talking about emotional matters. Probably sucks at it compared to you and will loose the discussion. So he is playing dumb. It is the only sensible thing to do. A powerful control tactic, because you get to stew in your own juice and he is looking all innocent and alexithymic. End of discussion. Hence, it works! But only in the very short run obviously….

      But I don’t get your choice of words. Your DUTY to figure out what the POOR INTJ will relate to? Did you adopt him or something?

    • Marcus Elver says

      As an INTJ male I think I can answer your questions. I’m tempted to say it sounds like you’d be better off without each other but if you insist it’s your “duty” then who am I to disagree! Firstly an INTJ lives in a world of constant thoughts, perceiving, processing, deciding, planning … we think without even realising we’re doing it. We are called masterminds not masterhearts. We do have feelings but they run below the surface and they just don’t show. Its not that we suppress them … it’s just they don’t show. To process or analyse our feelings is a bit like pulling over a car to look at the map and may take non-INTJ’s more patience than they have to bear with, as the only way we can speak about our feelings is to turn them into thoughts that make sense (which can be difficult as sometimes feelings don’t make sense!) and only then (being introverts) can we speak them . I’ve been happily married to an ENFP for 16 years and find our iNtuition is were we meet in the middle and make sense of each other, so it can work … so perhaps he just doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to talk to you. After all, if someone called me a “poor INTJ” I would find it hard (considering we view ourselves as misunderstood, unrealised visionary mastermind geniuses) to not write you off as a fool and consider you unworthy of my time or attention 😉

  6. layla says

    does an INTJ enneagram 4w5 makes sense? there is not much literature on them and I feel both them are true to my personality?

  7. Type of Girl says

    INTJ woman here. This description is very helpful, especially the analysis of how Ni dominance works. I am always trying to improve my performance at work by better tapping into what comes naturally to me, instead of following generic wisdom like “work harder,” “set goals,” “be more social,” etc. The truth is that I need tons of time to do my Ni thing, which probably seems like zoning out and not being productive to my colleagues. I am highly valued at my job, and some coworkers seem to think that the way I work is almost magical. However, I can sense the same people around me thinking that if I only “worked harder” I would be even better. They are missing the point—the (not obvious) way I do my thing is part and parcel to the results I obtain. My ENTJ boss might agree with the “passive and even somewhat phlegmatic” description for me at times. One thing I can control though, as stated in this type description, is how much I expose myself to what I am trying to solve. Taking those conscious steps into the ocean of Ni is important, while so is knowing that once I am waist-deep I will have the trust the currents to carry me.

    In response to the previous comments about romantic relationships for INTJ hetero women… I recently married an ENTP man and he is the perfect complement to me in every way. I also know another ENTP man who I have amazing (non romantic) chemistry with. My father is an INTJ and my mother is an ISFP, and they have a strong marriage that seems to be built on deep mutual understanding and acceptance. I’m sure many type combinations can work. I find the Enneagram more helpful for relationship troubleshooting than MBTI, personally.

  8. Lily says

    Lily again,

    I would like to offer a few points of clarification.

    First: My goal was to let any other woman out there who constantly test as an INTJ, but can’t see herself in the usual descriptions of INTJs know that she is neither alone, nor some sort of freak for being who she is. I have a graduate degree in a physical science and I’m a “girly girl” (My friends call me that in jest because I enjoy sewing, needlework, flower arranging, and other things that many people consider to be the “feminine arts.”). These are not mutually exclusive things, so stay open to possibilities.

    Second: My intent was to express that the common characterization of INTJs as remote, cold, calculating, masterminds, who are best suited to be with mindmates of the opposite gender isn’t universal, so stay open to possibilities.

    Third: Allow me to reiterate that, from my perspective, it isn’t that ‘P’s are or aren’t a good match for an INTJ woman or vice versa. Rather, I believe that different kinds of people can work well, and experience lasting happiness, with one another, regardless of type. So stay open to possibilities.

    Fourth: In my particular case, because of the sum total of my personality and life experiences, I have the most affinity with people who take in the world and then formulate ideas and take action based on internal perceptions, the way I do AND I’m also enriched by knowing all sorts of people who view the world from different perspectives. So I stay open to possibilities.

    Fifth: You guessed it, stay open to possibilities. :-)

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